Friday, January 25, 2013
THE SAGA OF THE BRAS
Two mature women – mature as mid-70s, close to 80 years old – are enroute to a beach vacation when they decide to visit a friend, a civil detainee who is detained in a “hospital.” Once they realized they were close to the “hospital” they decided to stop for a quick visit.
The women went inside, showed their drivers licenses, and a check was done to see if they were wanted by the police in any state, etc. – whatever else they check in a few minutes. The women proceeded through the metal detector and WHOA! – alarms sounded, the doors locked automatically, the guards drew their weapons and everybody froze. Since the women had no other metal on them, the guards said it had to be the underwire bras the women had on that set off the alarm.
One woman, fondly called The Mouth, immediately said, “Well, we’ll simply remove our bras and go on in.”
The guards, aghast, said, “No way!” They were not going to have these two elderly women marching through the “hospital” with their boobs bouncing around. Picture that!
They were told to go away and return in bras without underwire. The two women stomped back out into the parking lot – which is a far piece from the entrance to the “hospital.” There The Mouth removed her bra in the car –visible to anybody passing by – not giving one whit as to who might see her. She then took from the glove compartment a tiny knife and she cut her bra to enable her to remove the plastic-underwire-touched-by-a-bit of metal . Once she removed the underwire, she put the wireless bra back on and prepared to retrace her steps to the prison, er, “hospital.” The other woman did not want to ruin her expensive bra by cutting out the underwire, so she remained in the car. And that is another no-no!
Meanwhile, upstairs in the “hospital” the visitee was awakened and told to get dressed. He had gone to bed at 5:30 a.m. and it was now 11 a.m. His normal waking hours were between 2 and 3 pm. He was understandably a bit confused. He rushed to get dressed, thinking that he was being taken to the hospital for a back x-ray. Then he remembered it was a holiday. He went to the medical unit to see if they had called for him. No, they reminded him that it was a holiday.
Meanwhile, in the visiting room, The Mouth was having a fit – to put it mildly! She ranted at the guards in the visiting room that she had been there for 45 minutes and she had another appointment and needed to leave. Where was the visitee? Had he been notified?
Back upstairs the visitee called someone to see who called him to tell him to get dressed. He was told he had a visitor. A visitor? Nobody just dropped in to visit him. They always called first. And then he was told it was The Mouth, and she was upset that he was late!
Late? He wondered how he could be late when he didn’t know she was coming in the first place! After combing his hair and flossing, he appeared in the visiting room and was immediately subjected to a bit of The Mouth’s wrath – from the bra episode, to him not showing up, and then being “late.” When he asked about the other woman, he was told that she was in the car in the parking lot. That is a no-no, and he was surprised that the guards didn’t tell her nobody is allowed to sit in a car on the parking lot. He immediately told The Mouth that she had to leave and get back to her car. She promised that they would stop again in a week when they left their beach retreat. She also said they would not wear underwire bras and would bring him a lot of his favorite foods to eat – that is a perk allowed at that “hospital.”
They say all’s well that ends well. I say all is well that ends! And that ends the saga of the bras!